How to Be the Right Parent
Being a mother or father is one of the most difficult jobs a person can do.
Being a mother or father is one of the most difficult jobs a person can do. Because a child's future is in the hands of his parents. The love, understanding and education they will show him affects the entire development of the child. It is imperative that parents who undertake such an important task take action and become active and effective parents in order to contribute to the development of their children. In fact, no mother and father are born with innate parenting skills. But in order to raise a good child, they can be effective parents by observing the families around them and taking advantage of their experience, reading books about child development, experimenting and common sense. Parents who are in this endeavor acquire some characteristics over time. We can list some of the characteristics that effective parents have as follows:
1-They Make Good Observation
Effective parents are good observers. From the first moment they take their children in their arms, this monitoring and follow-up situation begins. They observe the crying, laughing, combativeness or meekness of their children and try to understand when these occur. This attitude of parents also allows them to get to know their children better.
2-They Know Their Children Well
An effective parent knows his child very well. They know the features of development, listen to it and try to understand it. First of all, they take care of their children and spend time with them. They know their needs, feelings, thoughts, behaviors, attitudes, what they like or dislike, capacity well. These parents know their child so well that they understand what he wants to say even from his gestures and facial expressions. They don't expect more from their children than they can do. Thus, children overcome the developmental stages brought by each age in a healthy way with the support and knowledge of the family.
These parents know about the success of their child, who spends most of his day at school, the relationships of teachers and friends, the lessons he likes and dislikes, the social activities he participates in. They closely monitor the child's school life and personal development. They are in dialogue with their teachers. Thanks to the strong communication they establish with their children, they also contribute to their children's school success.
They know that their children have a unique structure and personality. Therefore, they try to get to know and understand him. They give their children the opportunity to express themselves, to express their feelings. They understand the difficulties experienced by the child according to the development period. They understand the anxiety and fear caused by the moodiness he experiences while teething or the changes he shows during adolescence. Thus, they establish a healthy relationship with their children. They accept the child not as they want him to be, but as he is, they give their children the opportunity to be themselves.
Effective parents constantly strive to acquire knowledge in order to be a good parent, they learn by researching and reading all areas such as the physical needs of their children, personality development, language development. They prepare their children in the best way for life by trying to apply the learned information in real life.
3-They Use Positive Discipline
These parents make house rules that their children can follow and that also bind themselves. Such as dinner time, bedtime, class time, game time. They constantly and consistently adhere to these rules. They apply the rules they set without compromising.
They do not try to establish discipline by scaring, crushing, putting pressure on their children, shaking fingers. They follow the rules themselves and become a good example for their children. They do not humiliate, insult and humiliate him in the face of the wrong behavior of their children and do not punish him immediately. They give him the opportunity to correct his wrong behavior. If they need to punish, they do so by depriving them for a while of a reward that they will give to their children or give them. They never use physical violence, psychological pressure. When there is a situation in which they believe that they have done injustice to their children, they do not hesitate to make the necessary explanation and apologize to him.
4-They Behave Consistently
They don't do everything their children want, they teach their children that they have to strive and deserve to have something. They don't make promises they can't keep. They show resolute and clear attitudes towards their children. Parents and other adults in the family are careful to implement the joint decisions made. They take care not to disrespect their spouse by ignoring the decision made. They do not distinguish between brothers, but act fairly and Decisively. They don't compare them to each other. When they have disagreements, they allow them to solve their own problems themselves. They try to find a fair solution in disputes that they cannot resolve.
5-They Will Be a Good Example
Children learn not by what they hear, but by what they see. They identify with them by imitating their parents. These parents try to be a good role model for their children, constantly watching and setting an example for themselves. They are constantly afraid to give advice. They strive to demonstrate exemplary behavior instead of giving verbal commands. They take care to do every behavior they exhibit, thinking about how it will affect the child. If they want to give their child a book habit, they read books with him. If they want their children to wash their hands before meals, they first do it themselves and make it a habit. If they want their children to be honest, hardworking, not lying, following the rules, establishing good relationships in their social life, they will pay attention to exhibiting these behaviors themselves. They try to be what he wants his child to be, what he wants to be.
6-They Show Unconditional Love
Children need to be loved by their parents. Every child wants to know how much his parents love him. Parents who show unconditional love openly show their love for their children. They love their children unconditionally and unconditionally because they are a part of their lives. Even if their children make mistakes, this does not diminish their love. They allow him to learn from his mistakes and experience life in this way. They do not diminish or multiply their love according to their exam success, their smart attitude, and their listening. They are not afraid to say “I Love You” to their children. Children who feel loved and loved increase their self-confidence. They strive harder to be worthy of this unconditional love. While showing love to the child, they also avoid exaggerating this love. They are careful not to spoil their children with excessive love. They become measured and balanced. In this way, they establish a relationship of mutual love and respect with their children.
As they can be friends with their children, they do not forget that they are their parents. Because they know that their children need mom and dad before a friend. As a parent, they have responsibilities to their children, and if they try to be friends in order to fulfill these responsibilities, they set a certain limit and make their children feel this difference.
Just as parents show love and respect to their children, they also have great love and respect for one another. They do not discuss their family problems in front of their children. They know that these discussions will negatively affect their children and increase their anxiety and worries.
7-They Appreciate the Efforts of Their Children
They praise the achievements and efforts of their children. They contribute to the development of self-esteem by praising their children. They reward their achievements. They become understanding in the face of his failures and mistakes and encourage him to work again by praising his effort in a job he failed to achieve. They motivate him by giving their children jobs they can do. A child who grows up under these conditions can be an enterprising and self-confident individual.
8-They Are A Good Listener
They prepare the necessary environment for solving children's problems and listen to them with all their heart. They allow the child to clearly express his feelings and thoughts. They do not shout at the child and do not force him to talk. They make eye contact when talking to their children. For this, they sit opposite or next to the child. If this is not possible, they kneel down and align themselves with him. While the child is talking, he is not interested in anything else and they give him all their attention. They don't stop the child from talking. They patiently listen to the child's problem or questions and try to find a solution. By nodding and sometimes smiling, they show that they are listening to him. He tries to give logical and correct answers to the questions asked by children. They do not get angry with him for the questions he asks, and they do not embarrass him. Children who are listened to and addressed with such attention feel that they are cared for and loved, and they express everything openly without the need to hide things in their families, and they communicate healthily when they grow up.
9-They devote time to their children.
It is the most natural right of a child to expect constant attention from his family. The child tries to draw attention to himself in order to be able to prove his existence and make it easier to notice his presence. Children just want attention and love. Therefore, they try everything that will attract attention. Effective parents, on the other hand, pay attention to the positive behaviors of their children and ensure that these behaviors are reinforced. A child whose positive behavior is appreciated and attracts attention in this way does not need to exhibit negative behavior. In the family, they thus help their child's development by showing interest in positive and beautiful behaviors.
Effective parents do their best to spend time with their children. No matter how busy they are, they spend time with their children, even for a short period of time. They don't see spending time with the child as just being there for him and taking care of their own affairs. Effective parents make the most of the time they spend with their child. When they are with him, they try to look at the world through his eyes. He plans this time in advance. They talk to their child, listen to him, do activities together, play games and enjoy the time they spend with their children.